For me, the brilliance of Vanessa’s words was that she didn’t position fat women as tragic figures needing pity or shame, nor did she boldly claim sexual empowerment in the name of fat women everywhere. As a fat, white, middle-class woman like Vanessa, who sometimes dates men, I could relate.At the same time, adolescents who are obese are half as likely to begin dating as healthy weight adolescents."Not only is obesity disrupting how and when the stages of life are marked," Varney said, "It also seems to be really changing the romantic prospects for obese and overweight girls and boys."In the book, Varney follow a number of couples, some of whom are in "mixed-weight marriages" where one partner is a healthy weight and the other is overweight or obese.Varney says mixed-weight marriages tend to have much more friction."The types of arguments are much more personal, they are much more vicious," Varney said.Since almost nobody in Atlanta is actually from Atlanta, we spend most of our time telling out-of-towners why they can't go about finding attractive, eligible people to mate with the same way they did back home, because dating in the ATL isn't like anywhere else, and is downright mysterious for the uninitiated.In fact, “uninitiated” is just what your sex life will be if you don’t learn the unique ins-and-outs (no pun there at all) of dating in the A.
He lamented in an article for The Concourse, “Vanessa would have far less trouble getting someone to hold her hand in real life, and while this was every bit the excellent, conversation-starting was perceptive enough to join the conversation.
She’s also a seasoned vet of dating as a plus woman — as well as navigating a long-term relationship (she and her partner recently welcomed their first child; for the baby pics alone, you should check out her Instagram).
With her guidance I’ve put together a list of reminders to bear in mind when diving into dating, whether you’re new and nervous or experienced and tired of the BS.
Man, they really drill in the message early with this nonsense: Maybe that’s why dating as an adult so often feels like a class we’re flunking. With rare exception, dating is considered a pain in the ass, but a necessary hurdle if you want to advance to the next romantic level.
And when you’re plus-sized (or if your appearance doesn’t conform to mainstream beauty standards in other ways), dating can seem fraught with even more challenges.